Dr. Jordan's Amazing Sing-A-Long Blog

Games

2012-01-28T02:13:00.001-08:00

Games you shouldn't buy and why you shouldn't buy them

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
Why you shouldn't buy it: I spent 5 months (and others have been for longer) working on this game and they refused to put our names in the credits. So basically, if we tell someone we worked on a game, but our name isn't in the credits as "QA Testers", it's worthless.

Oh but hey I got a nice shirt from them. Go die 38 studios.

X-Men: Destiny
Why you shouldn't buy it: It's a piece of shit. Imagine if I walked up behind a dog and he had just shit, and you walked into it. That's what playing this game is like. Bad graphics (THIS IS 2011 AND IT LOOKS LIKE THIS GAME CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF 2005)

Hey it's an X-Men game, sounds fun, right? Activision is like the Anti-Midas: Everything they touch turns to shit.
Case in point: World of Warcraft.

Games you should buy and why you should buy them

Star Wars: The Old Republic

Why you should buy it: Because I got to test this game for about a week in beta, and even though it was a rough launch (nothing like WoW's where servers down for WEEKS), I'm proud of it.

Pro: Space Combat WHAAAAATTTTT

Con: You're in al-Qaeda if you don't like a Star-Wars game.

Syndicate

Why you should buy it: Check it, the future where people have datachips in their head. Your job is to hunt down high-priced targets...and their datachips. With futuristic weapons. And you can shoot around corners. You can hack people's brains and also you rip their chips out their ears. While falling. Just watch the trailer. Here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EotgLHqOkfs

The multiplayer is just as awesome.

2012-01-25T13:29:00.000-08:00

2012-01-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

Name
First: Jordan
Middle: Nicholas
Last: Revon

Height: 6000 inches (Approx. 2 Earth years)
Nicknames: Ace, Dr. Bathroom

Employment
Name of Employer: League of Underwater Nations
Occupation: I am the Surgeon General of a place I made up

Do you drink alcohol: Yes

If so, how frequently: Once a day, for 8 hours

Where do you usually meet women: In hotels, or on the street

Do you enjoy dating: No

What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for a girlfriend?: I shot a dog that was attacking her.

What is the most creative gift you've ever given a girlfriend?: A purse I made from a pony that I killed with a chair.

What is the most ambitious date you've ever planned?: An expedition to the center of the Earth.

What do you want out of your next relationship with a woman? Power

List the qualities you find most attractive in a woman: Television

Describe your ideal woman: From the mountains, is new to technology, and thinks I am magic!

Why would a woman have fun on a date with you?: I would let her punch me

How important to you is sex in general and in relationships?: Not at all in the first 5 minutes, then crucial over the next 20

What do women find most attractive about you?: I am fast at sex

You will be competing with a number of men for the love of a woman on our television show.

What strategy do you have to make yourself stand out? Karate

Describe situations where you have treated a girlfriend wrong or in which you were embarrassed: I once killed my girlfriend's dog.

2012-01-25T11:39:00.001-08:00

Ironically, Adolf Hitler displayed more knowledge of how we treated Native Americans than American high schoolers today who rely on their textbooks. Hitler admired our concentration camps for American Indians in the west and according to John Toland, his biographer, “often praised to his inner circle the efficiency of America’s extermination—by starvation and uneven combat” as the model for his extermination of Jews and Gypsies (Rom people).

2011-11-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

Anyone else feel like the HALO series is based on America? You've got an ancient people (the framers) who built great structures. And now, today, we have no idea who they were, only we are descended from them. And then there is an alien enemy (the commies) trying to destroy the entire universe.

I'm Back Baby

2011-06-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

You know what? I'm going to come out and say it. I love violent video game shooters. I'm not talking HALO or Call of Duty. Fuck no, I'm talking splatter the guts, if-that-rocket-doesn't-spray-him-on-the-wall-I'm-going-to-return-this-game games. For a long time, I would pick "Bloody Mess" on Fallout 3 and New Vegas because it was so satisfying to get a headshot and watching the rest of the body magically split into pieces.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a deranged maniac. Far from it, although some would beg to differ. Rather, I long ago realized that these are only pixels and not real people, that it's ok to want to splatter their brains out on the wall because doing so has little to no effect on the real world. It would hardly be ok for me to force a shotgun into my boss' mouth before I looted his body for bottlecaps and junk food. This, I realized a long time ago (around the time I played Legend of Zelda: OOT for the first time, which was the beginning of my cognitive awareness stage of gaming) and it's probably a good thing that I didn't turn into a weirdo.

This brings me to my review of Duke Nukem: Forever. Unfortunately, I had work at 7am on launch day, and could not attend the midnight festivities they were hosting. But, after work at 2pm, I did retrieve my game. Since it came out in every other region 4 days earlier, I had a chance to read reviews of the game, and was not optimistic about spending $100 on what seemed to be a campy mashing of halo and Duke Nukem one-liners. Boy was I glad I didn't listen to the reviews.

The starting stuff is best listened to with speakers turned at least halfway up, with the bass about midway. It details some highlights from DN3D in a CG style more appropriate for today. Then the game. Scintillating guitar riffs, lots of explosion noises, and Duke spitting appropriate and side-splitting lines ("My balls, your face" after hitting an alien with a basketball). A lot of the criticism focused on how the game was "stale" or "not stand-out like they said it would be".

Here's my main problem with the reviews/reviewers for this game: They all played DN3D when they were 15-16 and now that they're almost 30, they find this sort of shit mundane and boring, stupid, and "totally uncool bro" (1up.com). I played the game when I was maybe 10. And that was easily years after it was popular. I thought it was a great game but didn't understand most of the humor. Now that I'm 20 and more than capable of understanding the innuendo behind "I've got balls of steel", I found this game not only side-splittingly hilarious, but quite possibly the best game I've played since maybe portal or half life 2. And that's saying a lot. It's not that the game is physically extravagant: the graphics easily belong in 2007 (they look a lot like the textures used for the background of Midnight Club: LA; the focus is not on the background because the main graphical focus is the cars and those textures). It's not mentally taxing: there's no puzzle challenges short of maybe stacking a few barrels in a crane to lift it and go up some pipes. Instead, the game harkens back to a time when games were just violent, gut-ripping blasters. It's a shame that you can only carry 2 guns, because I was a fan of the 1-2-3-4-5-6 interface. Even with this minor change (do you actually need more than 2 guns to beat this game? no, and it's very obvious when you beat insane difficulty), the game is still fun.

Let me explain. I work at the most frustrating place in the world because half of our customers are people who have no manners and no drive to even greet you when you ask them if they had a good shopping experience. After 7 hours of straight annoyance, I found nothing better than to come home, turn my speakers up, pull out a shotgun, and take down waves of pig-cops. My only major flaw with this game is that the load times are a little extravagant: 30-40 seconds is a little unacceptable in this day and age, but I'm willing to let it slide because I didn't die all that much and it was never really an issue unless I was changing zones.

So we come back to the fact that all of these reviewers are out of their early 20's when comedy central is still funny and beer takes up more space than food in the fridge. This is who that game is for. I'm talking college-age dudes and even loners who feel the need to project by using Duke as their persona. I'm talking people who MAYBE played DN, DN2, or DN3D and/or saw the ventrilo harassment in 2007 and thought that was the funniest shit in the world. The NPCs can be zombies, the mechanics can be clunky, but in the end, I can't say I didn't enjoy the 12 year wait for a game like this. To be perfectly honest, I'd wait 20 years. 3D freeze ray and 150% head size after beating the game? Hell yes. Multiplayer? No depth, just like the old Quake/Unreal Tournament. There is no replacement for blood-splattering instagib violent action, no matter how many Grand Theft Auto games come out.

-

2010-09-08T08:08:00.001-07:00

You live by yourself. You have a cat.

Crushing loneliness.

You're just killing time until your girlfriend comes home.

Red Baron

2010-08-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

2oz Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
12oz Cherry Limeade (IBC preferably)
Martini shaker
Ice

Fill shaker with ice. Add rum. Shake vigorously, until well chilled, then strain into red wine glass. Add bottle of cherry limeade slowly, letting it blend with the icy rum. Sip to your enjoyment.

Living by yourself is the best way to experiment with cocktails.
Edit: It tastes a bit like cough syrup though. Maybe I'll try cream soda on the next go-around, then come up with a clever name.

You should probably sit down before you read this.

2010-08-02T14:37:00.000-07:00

But seriously. I had to write this down before I forgot it/before someone else claims this idea from me.

Basically, Inception is just one big dream. Ok, beside the parts that are "dreams."

When Dom tells the story of him and Mal experimenting with dream-within-a-dream, he is telling the truth, up until the point where he says they woke up. In reality, they didn't wake up. He then dreams that Mal is dead and that he must leave his kids and begins to project new people in order to help him escape this dream. In reality, it is more likely his subconscious killed herand now she is in reality trying to wake him up. Ariadne and Arthur, et al., are merely subconscious projections of Dom's mind. Mal's interference is still his guilt for dreaming that he killed her through inception, which remains the same from the movie, although it may also be her trying to actually wake him up (remember that being dunked in water created that tidal wave in the early part of the movie, and Mal's attempts would produce similar effects). Saito's plan to "make a call" after the team deals with Robert Fischer is really one of many plans Dom has created to escape from his own mind.

Now on to the problem of the totem. Dom claims it was Mal's idea, and that it was Mal's totem which he uses. This is what helps him determine if he's awake or not: he can see it spinning indefinitely (meaning he's in a dream) or see it wobble and fall over (meaning he's in reality). At one point, he mentions that a "you have to know your totem, how it feels in your hands, to be able to tell if it's real or not." How can he know if he's using someone else's totem? This is why it sometimes falls over and sometimes spins indefinitely: because he can't tell the difference, and therefore is dreaming the outcome because it's not his totem.

Oh and he never gets to see his kids. At least in reality. He's still dreaming after all.

DID I BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND OR WHAT?

I feel pretty accomplished. Someone has probably already figured this out, but I feel special because no one has mentioned it to me yet and every time I talk about it, I get the same reaction as when someone hears about Ferris Bueller's Day Off being more akin to Fight Club than a light-hearted family movie.

2010-06-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

why?

2010-06-12T01:17:00.000-07:00

000683 Revon - Nicholas Revon, Of Slidell, La On Friday, October 7, 2005. Father Of Jordan N. Revon And Danielle N. Revon. Son Of Patricia Lejeune Herrmann, Brother Of Craig M. Revon And Jarret J. Revon, Brother-In-Law Of Angel Meaders Revon. Former Husband Of Jacqueline Spicuzza Revon. Step-Son Of The Late John P. Herrmann, Jr. And Son Of The Late Lincoln L. Revon. Relatives And Friends Of The Family Are Invited To Attend The Graveside Funeral Services At Forest Lawn Cemetery, 1751 Gause Blvd. West. Slidell La On Tuesday, October 11, 2005 At 11:00 Am. Interment In Forest Lawn Cemetery. Visitation On Tuesday From 10:00 Am Until Time Of Service. Kindly Omit Flowers, Donations To The Charity Of Your Choice Preferred. Arrangements By Honaker Funeral Home, Inc., Slidell, La Times Picayune 10-11-2005.

Staring at the pictures on my shelf late at night, I saw one in particular that always makes me long for my childhood. It's me, kneeling on the ground/bed and my dad sitting on it, with a board of chinese checkers between us. Taken at his mother's house, shortly after the divorce, it depicts a smiling, innocent Jordan Revon, the day after his 9th birthday sporting his new Pokemon watch. Opposite, a forced smile creeps its way across my dad's face, his eyes obviously red from crying before the picture was taken (this is actually a staple of some later pictures I own of him). No starker contrast could be made, no greater emotion captured at this moment. It was the day he gave me his two most prized possessions, Drew Bledsoe and John Elway figurines, with large heads. He also gave me my birthday present, a statuette of a frog with the shirt labeled "Cool Dude," as well as some cash. It's sad to look at the picture and wonder what things would be like if he were still alive. He would be able to see me graduate high school, place in state for swim team, and see me go to college, a feat that would be the first on his side of the family. There are so many questions I wish I could ask him. There's so little I know about him, and I feel afraid to ask his mother about it but I also fear that if I don't, when she finally does end up dying that his side of the family will pass with her. The history of the Revon family, the name, the people, all lost.

I know my mother had good reasons to divorce him, and I do not blame her for anything that happened to him as a result. Instead, I just hope that maybe, somehow, he knows of all the great things I've done since he passed, and of all the great things I want to do one day. I would like to have him pat me on the back and say he was proud of me  one day. I wish I could have learned those things a boy has to learn from his father instead of learning for myself. This October will be 5 years since he died. All I can do is keep his memory and hope he'll be proud of me.

World Cup 2010

2010-06-11T05:01:00.001-07:00

World Cup 2010 starts in less than an hour and a half. South Africa v. Mexico at 9:25 am, followed by Uruguay v. France at 1:00 pm. No words can describe how stoked I am. I wait for two years for the big football games to watch and analyze Germany's competition. I'm particularly upset this year though, however, because Germany's Michael Ballack (also captain) was injured by, of all people, a Ghana player in a "friendly" pre-group match. He'll be out the whole series. But as long as we have Klose (our top scorer) and the rest of the team plays good football, we'll have a great match.

Ballack claims that, as far back as '06, Germany has never lost a game that he scored in. So that kind of upsets me. But we're going to do it. As much as I'm supposed to cheer for the US team, I just can't find the heart to. We're not that great on the international stage. We got that fluke during the confederations cup that everyone seems to think will carry on to the world cup, but the fact of the matter is American football is not as good or developed as the rest of the world's football teams. Maybe we'll make it to the second round, but I don't foresee a finals match.

Anyway, I'll be covering most of the matches that I can catch as much as I can on this blog. It's my favorite event, aside from the Olympics and the Euro cup. So good luck to all the teams, and win this one fuer Deutschland!

Baptism in blood

2010-06-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

The most awkward thing in the world is perhaps having the toilet clog at 2:30 am and there is no plunger around. And after trying for twenty minutes to flush the clog out, finding out there was a plunger downstairs after all.

Started reading Casino Royale, the first of Ian Flemming's James Bond books. It's pretty awesome. Not only is it more fulfilling than the movie, but it's also considerably different. It starts out with Bond already in France, having resided there for a few days to increase his winnings to take on Le Chiffre. He almost gets bombed outside, and Vesper is, might I say, described as incredibly attractive (in stunning detail) numerous times. Hell, if she's basically the girl on the cover, and she's hot for a drawing.

It also provides the most in-depth rules of Baccarat I've ever seen, even better than Wikipedia. It actually made me understand the game before Bond went to play it, which made the dramatic show-down at the table between him and Le Chiffre that much more dramatic. I highly recommend it, and I'll be moving on to the other few novels in order for the rest of the summer.

kein Betreff

2010-05-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

I just wish I could have a normal life for once.

No robberies, no annoying ass friends bitching my ear off because they've become failures, no roommates stealing my shit behind my back, no having to deal with things I'd rather not be dealing with, no incompetent apartment managers failing to understand that putting someone in a random roommate situation is no better than what ended up letting them get robbed in the first place. No not being able to spend time with your girlfriend because she's at work, and when she is near you, she's asleep.

I've got that sinking feeling. Like something awful is about to happen. Worse than the robbery.

Call the chef tonight, having sinners for dinner. Ain't no wireless in the hood so I ain't talkin bout twitter.

2010-05-07T05:44:00.000-07:00

They say thou shall not talk,
Thou shall not speak,
Thou shall bow in the presences of a G
I spray mace in a bad boy's eye
Leave his shit all puffy' so,
Thou shall not see
Thou shall not smile
Thou shall never show his teeth
I'll paint thou or thou shall repeat
Thou shall not (Thou shall not)
Bitch I said don't talk
Shoot you in the ass and stab ya feet,
And now how you gon’ walk?
Im sick in the head, I piss in the bed
Hop up out the ocean, and I leave the fisherman red
So much blood on the set, the cops holla' now 'soo-woo'
Bitch I'm from New Orleans, you know I know that voo doo
Ipod blastin', 2pac yeah hit em up
Chow down, spit em up
Black bag, get em up

Freaknik, soon to be on DVD women-ladies.

Finals week coming up. Don't have any work. Got some good grades. Let's make this happen so I can get TOPS back and never have to worry ever again.

2010-04-01T10:24:00.001-07:00

Yeah, what up Detroit?

2010-03-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

Bitch please, you must have a mental disease.

Working on getting straight B's this semester. So far, I'm 3/5. If you want to be technical, I'm 2/5 because I have an A in english. Who knew I was so good at bullshitting Hemingway. I got an A- on my first essay, so by midterms, I had an A. Then our most recent essay was turned in last thursday, so even if I do badly on that, I'll still be alright. And my most recent essay topic had to get switched around slightly, but garnered his approval above all the others presented to him in class that day. So I feel a little special, but not enough to switch my major. Mainly because I know English is more than writing essays.

Life is good. Going back home tomorrow. Work, then home. Finally.

lol

2010-03-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah but for real, what up New Blog?

See it's a joke. Who cares. Lots of stuff going down in post-apocalyptia.
But I'm just bored at school and figured I'd give myself something to do other than play gunstar heroes for seven hundred hours.

Hah.

2009-12-31T08:31:00.000-08:00

Man it's been ages. Been so busy with school and trying to find a job to update. But now I finally have a chance to breathe. Lots of stuff to talk about eh?

Got shafted out of tops this semester. They changed the requirements from below 48 hours=2.0 and above 48 hours=2.5 to 0-24 hours=2.0, 24-48=2.3, 48+=2.5. I had a 2.2 cumulative. And 45 hours completed. So I need to bust my ass again this coming semester to pull off a 2.5 cumulative. It's not like it'll be that hard though, I'd like to consider myself a miracle genius. But now I'll also have a job to contend with.

So yeah, things are going great with Janet. A few rocky bits over the past few weeks starting around finals because we were so stressed out, but it always finds a way to work out and we're that much more satisfied with each other afterward. We keep having the marriage and kids talk, which is nice because I like to hear her take on this relationship. And it doesn't weird me out at all, I guess because we've been together for almost a year and eight months, which is technically my longest relationship (unless you count all the on-off together that me and hunter did, which would total around 2 years combined [roughly], then it's my second-longest) but also because we're already halfway through college and going to graduate soon, so I guess it's germane to be making plans for a future if indeed we were serious about it.

Meanwhile, today is also my birthday. Finally I can tell people I'm 19 instead of 18, so I don't have to get made fun of for being so young (although technically I am young, but I've got that extra year on me so I've been around the block). Dad's birthday was yesterday; he would have been 48. I think I'm going to celebrate his birthday next year by doing something like driving down to his grave and dropping some flowers and a card or something. I don't quite know yet. CKY's guitarist Chad Ginsburg once went to GG Allin's grave and drank a whole bottle of Jim Beam (Allin's favorite alcohol) and then proceeded to piss on his grave and leave a signed copy of Infiltrate.Destroy.Rebuild at the tombstone. I don't think I'd do anything that extreme, but it sounds like fun anyways. Here's a fun picture for all my non-existent readers:

Enjoy, I know I did. Catch you next year.

Hi there, how do you do? My name is You.

2009-11-18T23:16:00.000-08:00

Lots to talk about now. It's already 1:20 in the morning and I should be going to sleep. But I can't sleep. I'm too worried about German. I missed an oral exam on Monday, and I haven't been going to class as often as I should so I'm sure she's excited about that. And I have a test for it Friday. I need to pass it. I really do.

But also, I quit my job. I really do hate the system; it's very inefficient and doesn't contribute to a positive work environment. Add on the fact that a few servers get on my nerves incessantly, and I just can't take it anymore. Although I'm going to miss a lot of the people there, they're always going to be around sometime, and I have their numbers so it's not a huge deal.

On that same note, the job I had lined up as a replacement hasn't called me back. It's pending a drug test (which I'm ALMOST CERTAIN I passed...) and a background check (which I'm CERTAIN I passed). I have to call them friday or tomorrow (although the woman I talked to doesn't work tomorrow). So I've got a lot running through my head right now.

I just want winter break to get here so I can relax. Take all that stress off my shoulders.

Flies, they all gather around me and you too, you can't see anything well.
You ask me what size it is, not what I sell
Ha ha ha ha

The flies, they all gather around me and you too...
Well, I don't want you to be alone down there
To be alone down there, to be alone
Yeah, I don't want you to be alone down there,
To be alone down there, to be alone

The Devil's apprentice he gave me some credit, he fed me a line and I'll probably regret it

I don't want you to be alone down there
To be alone down there, to be alone

Ah

I don't want you to be alone down there
To be alone down there, to be alone.

Walkey, walk tall.

2009-10-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

Fuck yeah I'm so fucking cool fuck fuck.

No but for real though, this time, I crossed the cool barrier.

This halloween, I am going with the best (and surprisingly easiest) costume ever.

I present to you...Spock:

$5.00 for the ears, 5 minutes in the bathroom to shape my sideburns, and a few minutes of drawing with a sharpie on cardboard for that perfect Spock outfit. A blue shirt and some black slacks later, and I'm the toast of Starfleet.

But for rizzy though, I think it looks great. It's a shame I'll be working a double on Saturday which means I have to get plenty of sleep Friday night (after work) then get up early, work for nothing, go home, then get shitfaced and then go back in Sunday evening.

So hopefully it'll work out. If it doesn't, I'll make it happen. This costume is just too good to give up for something as lame as working.

Meanwhile, Janet and I are now "facebook official". We'd been joking about it a long time, how our relationship wasn't "serious" until facebook said so. Of course we knew better, but jokingly one night I sent her the relationship request and she accepted it (she checked her facebook moments after i sent the request while she was in the bathroom so it kind of ruined the surprise)

But yeah, everything is good. I'm off until friday night for work, so I have studying to do and staying up late to accomplish. Hell to the yeah.

Good stuff man. Good stuff. Oh, and 3.5 for this semester so far. Go me.

Einstein

2009-10-23T01:49:00.000-07:00

Hello, and welcome to Day 1 of Jordan's Procrastination and Puzzle Solving Extravaganza.

In this post, and possibly in subsequent edits/updates, I will be attempting to solve the following puzzle:

1. In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours.
2. In each house lives a person of different nationality
3. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

THE QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

HINTS

1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.
16. Let us accept for the purposes of this puzzle that someone DOES own a fish, and that fish CAN BE owned.

Written by Albert Einstein, he purported that 98% of the world's population could not solve this puzzle at all.

I'm going to try to be that 2%

This is my goal, this is my next big thing. Not like solving it is going to get me any recognition; I just want to be able to say I've done it.

Now, moving on, I will be uploading my diagrams and such for the next few hours to keep myself awake so I can study after that. I also encourage my two readers to try to solve it as well. Good luck!

P.S. don't look online and try to catch the answer before me or I'll bust your nuts/ovaries. You know who you are.

Edit 4:20 AM (haha): Puzzle solved.

It's simple really; the clues are really kind of annoying but it's definitely solvable.

Amour

2009-10-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier, sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir. Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen, geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen. Saugt sich fest an deinen Lippen und Gräbt sich Gänge durch die Rippen.

Alright, so I've finally had a chance to sit down between school, people, and work. I'm currently in LSU's library, however, waiting for my biology exam call time. I've got an hour and twenty minutes to kill.

Alright, first things first. I've gotten back into Rammstein. With my renewed interest in the German language and the music, I've caught myself talking out loud and in my head in German, which is really fun when I call out something at work by German names instead of English. Hopefully that's a passing phase.

Second, I think I'm going to take the $3000 from that cashed life insurance policy to go to Germany for a year and study abroad or two

Third, I forgot how good it felt to have money in my hands. I love walking out of work with a stack of twenty dollar bills and just gazing at them for hours. It's hypnotizing. Especially since I hadn't been making any money from tenth grade up until a month or two ago.

Finally, Janet is out of town this weekend, which may or may not be good. On one hand, I'll have the weekend to myself to work on stuff, play baseball with the guys from work, and clean and do things I can't usually do when she's there to distract me. Not that that's a problem, but there are times when I just need my "me" time. Lately, we've been around each other a lot, which I like (for obvious reasons, I love the attention) but it's always good to have a nice gap.

On the other hand, she'll be at the beach all weekend, so I'm expecting a lot of raunchy drunk text messages about unmentionable acts. This is not fun, because there is nothing I can do about it from a few hundred miles away.

But anyhow, I also really need to get some sleep. I'm running on 4 hours a night lately, mainly because I get home from work at 11, homework and shower, then bed, up by 8:00/8:30 (depending on the day) except on tuesday/thursdays I'm swamped with homework or tests so I don't get to bed until just as late as if I'd had work. Add in that I should be recovering from a stomach virus (read as: still am) and my body is just being worn out.

I can't wait until our next break, just so I can sleep for the whole day.

Finished

2009-09-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

just wanted to upload this while i had the chance, before i passed out.

finally finished it; i think it looks pretty stellar. the background should be the same yellow as the drop pod and the white spots on the ODST banner should be that same color, but for printing considerations, i decided against it.

It's Like A Postcard: "Dear Sarge, We're Kicking Ass in Outer Space, Wish You Were Here."

2009-09-23T01:18:00.000-07:00

So this is the newest design I've been working on for maybe a poster or a banner of some sort to hang in my room. It's halfway done; I still have to do the outline of the rest of the skull, plus complete the color of the drop pod edges and the banner edges.

The problem, however, is because since I scanned it into my computer, I have to work one pixel at a time to color it. This so far has taken about 4 hours. I'm expecting another 4 hours at least to finish it.

But it's going to look so good.

Yaaaaay.

No batteries, No cables

2009-09-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I decided to go back to J. Alexander's after going in on Friday. I talked to both the acting managers that day and told me to call the head manager the next day. As I was leaving, one of them handed me a paycheck and it turns out that I WAS getting paid for all of my training time. With $183.25 in hand, I went to the bank and called them the next day to tell them that I would finish training but I would like them to work with me on the schedule so I can not fail school by having to work so much.

The AC issue is totally fixed and in fact I woke up this morning freezing to death, which I haven't done since we moved out of the dorm. But then I woke up this morning and also skipped history, which I shouldn't have done seeing as we have a test on Thursday; I'm willing to do that just to be able to get into the classes I'm worried about most and being well rested (am gov and biol)

This weird planter's wart on the ball of my left foot that I dug out a week or so ago is on fire and I'm pretty certain it's either infected (but it's not inflamed, so I'm not sure) or it just hurts like fuck to rip a ton of hardened skin out of your foot using nail clippers and pliers.

Anyways, all is going well so far. Two B's on my first two tests (Biol and MC) and everything else is kicking serious ass. ODST came out today, maybe I'll try to get my hands on a copy (or at least a rental, both of which I doubt are going to exist)

Hey bro

2009-09-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm being told to hurry up because someone needs to get to bed and I'm using her computer (hint: Janet).

But a couple of fun things over the past few days:

AC has run out of freon and had gotten covered in a block of ice, causing it to have to defrost while we suffered in 85+ degree heat at night. This is why I'm currently sleeping at Janet's.

I'm planning on switching jobs because J. Alexander's is kind of fucking me over in terms of getting paid. A 6 day training program has taken a month and a week because they train in the morning and I have classes in the morning. So when I have to train at night, it's pretty much once a week. This is very frustrating because I need money and they're very unaccommodating (which should be a red flag later down the road). And I'm looking at a law office downtown to get so I'll see how it goes.

Anyways, I'm done. More to come later.

Yeah, you're fantastic.

2009-09-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

I found some great pictures of Janet that I thought I'd share.

She left me a ton of pictures on my Macbook and the first one is something i snapped this evening.

Anyways, pretty good weekend. Celebrated one year, four months. Everything is pretty dull around here otherwise. I'm very close to finishing training at work, which means I'll be getting that money soon.

I also bought some new books to read in my spare time:

The Road by Cormac McCarthy (Post-apocalyptic father/son tale)
Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay (Book that created the showtime series Dexter)

I'm looking forward to them both

I should probably go to bed. Though. Class in the morning and it's already 1:15.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow and I hope it bleeds all day long

2009-09-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. LSU wins the season opener, Janet finds this blog, and I came home to a room that was essentially me in every aspect of the word.

So I'll start from the beginning. Saturday saw the start of a great day: We had a keg ready at 3:00 sharp, and proceeded to laze around drinking steadily for the next six and a half hours. Richard, Travis, John, Joe, Mike Jones, Sherman, and eventually a bunch more people joined in closer to the start of the LSU/Washington match. Janet and Becca came over, with the sole intent of hooking Becca up with Richard (which went beautifully, I hear). Of course, they drank too much too quickly (Becca more so than Janet, who had to take care of the former shortly after they got there) which culminated in Janet locking herself and Becca in my room/bathroom while I stayed outside to watch the game with the party. Janet entertained herself by looking through my history for porn (which she's convinced she found, and doesn't believe that I stumbled upon the same page a few times in a row) which I laughed off and went back for the 2nd quarter. Around halftime, when I was told to come check on them, I walked in to Janet with teary eyes and a roll of toilet paper in lieu of tissues. On screen was this blog. She was about halfway through reading it.

The only thing she said for five straight minutes, in between sobs, was "I'm so sorry."

I had really secretly hoped she would read these entries, dating back to mid-December when most of the situation got out of hand. I had hoped, also, that she would never read them because I didn't want her to have to go through that. It was a mixed moment for me. I was on the verge of tears and yet I wasn't. She kept reading until she got to the one entry where I mention liking Carlyn in one paragraph. She said she couldn't read anymore and didn't know that I liked her.

I told her there was once a time when I had no hope and tried to move on. Then I pointed out that I had quickly abandoned that notion as well, because I wouldn't have come back to her. She read a few more entries after that, particularly the one I wrote after we said "I love you" the first time and such. She said she was sorry repeatedly that night and once the next morning, but I've long since forgiven her.

That morning, we had to drive back home for her bridesmaid fitting and my bi-monthly return home. Since she and Becca were going to church, I just went to her place later to get her car and drove myself back to Abita. I walked into my room, which I've been told repeatedly has been completely cleaned. And how right they were. The rug was visible, there was no clutter by my closet, and even my books in the closet bookshelf had been arranged somewhat by age. It felt really weird. I looked around my room and saw all these things that I used to know when I was a completely different person. When I was younger, naive, separate from who I am now. First place ribbons, placards I had won were now hanging on what little wall space I had. Hats were strung above my closet, jewelery and watches arranged in the top drawers of my dressers. The shelves outside my closet arranged from younger to older from top to bottom. It was obvious that my family had put a lot of effort into making sure everything looked like they had always imagined. My desk was clean and even the drawers under it were arranged perfectly. It was the same room, but completely different. I was everywhere in that place. I kind of didn't want to leave the next morning. Looking at any square inch of it is a look into my childhood innocence. It was beautiful

I only have two pictures, but they show somewhat what the place now looks like. I can't really put it into words, but it invoked emotions of both happiness and sadness.

Welcome home.

Today's song comes courtesy of the shuffle option on my iPod. Part of a concept album (Tallahassee) by The Mountain Goats, the storyline follows a couple who move into a dilapidated house in Tallahassee, Florida (symbolizing their marriage falling apart). They end up drinking themselves to death by the end, but in the middle comes the song "No Children":

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town
Again in my life
I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
Yeah I hope I never get sober
And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

Society

2009-09-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

I'm just as cynical as your next guy.

Maybe that's why I find so much distaste with the way society is facing these days. Like many of my great ideas, this one came to me through late night television right before I fell asleep. Unfortunately for me, my mind got flowing and I didn't get to sleep shortly after.

There's a commercial running around nowadays for Latisse. For those of you that don't know what this "miracle" prescription is, it's used to grow eyelashes. Oh sure, it has multiple uses like controlling glaucoma and helps maintain ocular hypertension. But instead, it's being marketed as a medicine in order to help women who "have inadequate eyelashes" grow them, seemingly overnight.

That's not even the tip of the late night/stupid product advertising iceberg. Is this what society has become? When all we care about is erectile dysfunction and growing eyelashes? I hate to make this reference, because I know I'm going to get slammed/beat down for it, but it reminds me of that one scene in Idiocracy where the narrator talks about scientists being too busy working on maintaining erections and eradicating hair loss to care about the population.

Sure there are some great things going on in society; but the majority of us are severely stupid. I'm not saying I exclude myself from that mass, far from it. I just happen to be able to point out my mistakes.

Take "reality" television. Particularly channels like VH1 and MTV, or shows like The Bachelor(ette) etc etc. To watch these scripted shows like Tool Academy, Daisy/Rock/Flavor of love, and all that sort, is detrimental to the I.Q. The fact I find most astounding is that people believe these shows are serious, never scripted, not pre-planned. But really? REALLY?

Look at the facts. When has there ever been a dull moment on one of these reality shows? There hasn't, because when a producer puts together a show, they pick the people from the "applicants" that fit together the least. This in turn will create drama, which will cause people to watch the show. When there is drama, people talk about it. People who haven't seen the show will then tune in to see it for themselves, which in turn generates revenue for the company. It's really depressing when you look at it.

Since my reader base is limited to only two people right now, I'll have to make due. But I'd like to hear your thoughts. Tell me I'm not just baaaaawwwwwwing here.

Edit: I don't want the notion floating around that I don't watch these sorts of shows because I'm above it. Quite the opposite, really. I'm suckered in just like everyone else but, again, I am aware of it. I wanted to add a little more to my rant on the Latisse subject.

It's really upsetting that we've become so satisfied with ourselves as a consumer economy, that we push the idea of looking young on everyone. A drug that is marketed not as a treatment for ocular hypertension and instead as an eyelash enhancer (really, do you need eyelashes THAT bad that you're willing to accept side effects of a drug used to treat a more serious condition?) is just plain pathetic.

I'm not saying "let's go back to the society of the 1950's whatever fuck fuck fuck" but what I'm saying is we need to stop glorifying these so-called "great ideas" like boob jobs, botox, all these awesome plastic surgeries. It allows your outer image to reflect your inner image, which is fake. And everyone hates a fake person. Male or female, just looking good and not having anything to back it up makes you a drain on society. Maybe try buying a book instead of that forehead lift. Try learning something instead of spending 23 hours in the gym. It doesn't hurt to have a brain. In fact, studies show it is one of the leading causes of life.

New Direction

2009-08-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I've decided to sort of work this into a pseudo-decent publication. By that, I mean publishing somewhat daily articles and even webcomics. Anyways, I had a great idea last night while in bed and, like most ideas, almost got away had I not had paper next to me. So here goes, my first entry:

The entertainment industry has relied on clever gimmicks to attract readers/listeners/viewers. Quite possibly the first one that was well known, and set a high bar for everything afterward, was Orson Welles' mass-trolling of millions of listeners during a War of the Worlds narrated broadcast.

The setup went something like this: Regular music was played, as per the broadcast schedule. They would intermittently play bits of Orson and the Mercury theater's newest highlights. And then, the strike. "Breaking news, a strange spacecraft appeared to have landed in the English countryside."

Because many listeners shifted between the Charlie McCarthy program and the Mercury Broadcast, late listeners became confused of an actual Martian invasion. Numbers who were confused by this were estimated in the millions. In fact, it was so well known that Adolf Hitler even mentioned it in a speech a few weeks later. This began a downhill tumble of impressive marketing for many media events to come.

Recently, a big trend has happened in Hollywood: Viral marketing. The idea is to focus on short, wild videos/photos/gimmicks in order to hook the attention of the potential audience into seeing the film. Notable examples are Eagle Eye's Free Fall, in which the viewer is contacted on their mobile device and guided through a series of events similar to the movie's plot. Most recently, as many of you may have seen on television, are commercials for the Institute for Human Continuity (more info here). The premise behind this being that since the world is ending in 2012 (part of the plot of the upcoming Roland Emmerich film of the same name) that you should register for a lottery (actually a mailing list to get more information about the film) to secure a place to survive in the post-2012 world. An even more/lesser known event was the lead-up to the release of the JJ Abrahms film Cloverfield. The picture had a non-descript JJ Abrahms-style trailer screened before a pre-release of the first Transformers movie. Then it started with the 1-18-08 website, full of non-descript pictures that came out every so often showing things such as a dead whale, military sonar images of the coast of Manhattan, etc. The movie was a terrible let-down for many people, who expected it to be better than a "Blair-Witch-esque disaster flick". Don't get me wrong, it was a decent plotline, but the film-style is kind of nausea inducing and ends abruptly

The major flaw in these viral marketing schemes is that they become more and more desperate to try and attract viewers. They prey on popular trends (the world ending). There's an industry term for this sort of thing, and I'm pretty sure it's called "gay". It's something you do maybe once a decade, not several times a year. When Orson Welles did it, it was visionary. When Hollywood does it today, it's just same old same old. Hollywood has a great history of tiring out the good things about the entertainment industry. Michael Bay did it with both Transformers AND special effects.

So here's my proposal to Hollywood: Stop using old ideas until they're dead and beaten. It makes moviegoers see films for the first few times, sure, but after that, in case you haven't realized, makes people hate the industry more. Look at the length of time a film is viewed before attendance drops off sharply: In 2006, a bad film could have at least 2 weeks before being pulled or shoved to the back reels. In 2009, the same film couldn't last a weekend release. Audiences have become more attuned to shitty film making, and its time you wised up too.

Spent 18 hours stoned for space

2009-08-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

"I know I've said this before; the odds of us actually playing Free Bird are...there ARE no odds. It is not going to happen. I'll start with the first reason: we have NO idea how to play Free Bird. The second reason is: in the lovebug's natural habitat, hearing that would just fucking kill him, wouldn't it? You wouldn't want that, right? He's adorable. He is cute. Thirdly: Even if some, like, pick your deity, whoever, came down from the heavens or the hills or wherever your deity lives, and just blessed us with this vast knowledge of Free Bird and things, and we could play it backwards, sing backwards, we could do all that crazy shit, we still just wouldn't do it. If this were the Make-a-Wish Foundation and you were gonna die in 20 minutes, just long enough to play Free Bird, we still wouldn't play it. And here's the end reason: the end reason is that life is just too fuckin' short to play or hear Free Bird."

Today, I highly recommend you go out and download/buy/whatever Baron von Bullshit Rides Again by Modest Mouse. Even if you aren't a fan of them, it's still a stellar live album. After "Paper Thin Walls", they got heckled to play Freebird. Issac, in his infinite wisdom, gave them reasons why they won't (see above).

Finally moved into the apartment and I just had a chance to sit down and get everything straight. My room looks pretty awesome; I got a few posters up and once I start getting some income, maybe I'll get some more. Speaking of income, I got a server job at J. Alexander's. The restaurant seems pretty nice, in between fully upscale and Chili's. Most of their prices are double digits, so I'm expecting decent tips :D

In other news, everything is going great. Janet is here, I have a job, my roommates are pretty cool most of the time, and my best friend now lives less than a block away. Life is officially awesome. I know once school starts on Monday, I'll be regretting saying that, but such is life. Maybe I'll take a semester off and just work, then do summer and winter intersessions to make up for it.

So many opportunities. I love college.

You

2009-08-10T01:39:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we finally mustered up a year's worth of courage to finally say it. It was kind of cute at first. A subtle mouth twitch, followed by the mouthing of the words.

And then at dinner, I looked at you and I mouthed it as well.

The next day, I looked you straight in the eyes and somehow we both said it at the same time.

"I love you"

Flustered, of course, because it feels weird the first time you tell someone those words. Words that one of us has learned to restrict and the other has never thought of saying. And yet somehow, as if by chance, we both felt compelled to say it to each other.

Today, you looked me dead in the eyes and said "I'm really glad you took me back."

And all I could muster was a weak noise from the back of my throat. I would have liked for that to mean more than what I ended up saying: "Me too."

What I wanted to say was this: I'm really glad that I had gambled everything I had on you. My emotions rested squarely on your inability to open up. My heart upon your shoulders. It was like playing a game of blackjack that you know you can't win. But somehow, by amazing odds, I won. Out of the millions of different things that could have happened, we somehow were given a second chance at each other. The king's gambit paid off. And there's a part of me that still looks at you each time and remembers all that pain and suffering you put me through. Nine months of anguish that not even the strongest drink could stifle.

Those messages where you told me to ease the fuck up.

The texts where you didn't respond for days or weeks.

The late night call on St. Patty's day where you told me you had your heart broken.

The night I felt like I was dying. What the fuck was I thinking?

And somehow I just kept telling myself "It'll be ok, one day." There's the other part of me that looks at you, lying next to me with your eyes closed, hand clenched around mine, head resting on my chest, and does nothing but smile. Because that's all I can manage. Not because I can't express my feelings; far from it. When we're tickled, why of all our primal responses do we laugh? It's all we can manage because we don't know what else to do.

So I just smile. And a little chuckle escapes my mouth. You turn upward and give me that look (you know which one) and say "Whaaaaat?"

And I just smile again and say "You."

That's what I meant to say.

Kein Betreff

2009-08-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

I don't want to play hide and seek
give you my clothes
tell you i love your shoes
sit on the steps while you take a bath

massage your neck
kiss your face
and hold your hand
and go for a walk

and not mind when you eat my food

and meet at Rudy's
talk about your day

talk about YOUR day

and laugh at

at your PARANOIA
I give you tapes you don't listen to

watch great films

watch terrible films

and tell you about the T.V. program i saw the night before
and not laugh at your jokes

i want you in the morning

but let you sleep in for a while

tell you how much i love

your eyes

your lips

your neck

your tits

your arse

sit on the steps smoking till your neighbors come home

sit on the steps smoking till you come home

and worry when you're

late and be amazed when you're early

i give you sunflowers

go to your party and dance

be sorry when i'm wrong

and happy when you forgive me

look at your photos

and wish...i'd known your forever

hearing your voice

in my ear

feel your skin

on my skin
and get scared when you're angry

i tell you you're gorgeous

and hug you when you're anxious

and hold you when you hurt

and want you when i smell you
and offend you when i touch you
and whimper

when i'm next to you

and whimper when i'm not

dribble on your breasts

smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket

and hot when you don't

and melt when you smile

dissolve when you laugh
but not understand how you think i'm rejecting you

when i'm not rejecting you
and wonder

how you could think i'd ever reject you

and wonder who you are

i accept you anyway

and tell you about the tree angel

enchanted forest boy

who flew across the ocean

because he loved you
i buy you presents you don't want

and take them away again

and ask you to marry me

and you say no again

but keep on asking cause though

you think i don't mean it

but i always have from the first time i asked you

i wander the city thinking...

it's empty without you
but i want what you want
and think

i'm losing myself

but
but
but i'll tell you the worst of me
and try

to give you the best of me

because

you don't deserve any less

answer your questions when i'd rather not

and tell you the truth

when i really don't want to

and try to be honest

because i know you prefer it

you think it's all over but

hang on for just ten more minutes

before you throw me out of your life

forget who i am
and try and let me get closer to you

and somehow

somehow

somehow communicate some of the overwhelming

undying

overpowering

unconditional

all-encompassing

heart-enriching

mind-expanding

ongoing
never-ending

love

i have for you.

fuck yeah sarah kane.

Kein Betreff

2009-08-08T01:19:00.000-07:00

I feel really good today.

Like better than I've felt in maybe 5 years.

Wow.
This is what it feels like to be perfect.

almost forgot a silly photo.

2009-07-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Decided to delete some notes on Facebook because I'm super cool.

But then I couldn't let these go. So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

"Places as People as Places", "Trailer Trash", "War", and some fucked up dream I had many months back.
---------------------------------------------------

To answer the question, it'll probably take more.
If you're already there, well you probably don't know.
Well we were the people that we wanted to know and we're the places that we wanted to go.

Pacing the halls, he was waiting for his time. The cold air rose up from the cracked floorboards and mingled with the dust from the ceiling and the chairs. The musty old smell of the building always seemed to permeate him, like death. This was the smell of death. Funny, the connections people make between death and old age.

It's hard to get a hold of and hard to let go
Always something we looked for from the day we were born

He turned down the right side corner and followed the long hallway to the archives. Down some rusted stairs, through a broken archway. Inside a moldy brown box, an album. A photo collage. From time long past.

Instead we're the people that we wanted to know and we're the places that we wanted to go and we're the places that we wanted to go and we're the places that we wanted to go.

She was beautiful. The way her hair shined like a forest of light. Her dress was red, a hint to her fiery demeanor. She walked short on stilts of self-confidence. She only said hello in passing, and that was all he needed. That was when he knew he wanted her. He had to have her.

But came to him at the end of the night with a piece of paper in her hand, crumpled up with obvious tear stains on it and marks from mascara having been smudged. A napkin, a hastily written note. He took it in his hand and she turned away, tears in her eyes.

The paper hit the floor after she was gone. The noise it made echoed above and beyond the dying song of the night. No one would know. He just couldn't do it.

Always asking a question, and I don't wanna know like the wind across strings that had finally let go. And the people you love, but you didn't quite know and they're the places that you wanted to go.

At the bottom of the box, there they were. Pictures of her. She still was beautiful. Even after 50 years, her eyes sparkled and the hair glowed through the sepia-toned photo. Her immortal smile, candidly captured in ink and paper. He pocketed the photo and began the long journey up to the outside world again.

Bark at the neighbors, and then bark at the dog, HA! Sniffing the wind, whimpering for someone to know but we were the people that we wanted to know and we're the places that we wanted to go.

It was in all the newspapers, when she died. Beautiful, successful female lawyer took her life tragically. Everyone covered it. Every major news network. He still felt the twinge of pain for being reminded. The building. The glass. The scream. The fall. The crash. The silence. He couldn't even save her.

Yeah we're the places that we wanted to go.
Yeah we're the places that we wanted to go.

His foot kicked a rough object near the doorway as he approached the handle. He looked down and carefully picked it up. Paper. He even more carefully unfolded it. Napkin. And, in an eloquent script, lay the note he had never read all those years ago.

"It's not the intention, but we let it all go.

Well, it messed up the function and sure fucked up the flow. I hardly had people that I needed to know cause you're the people that I wanted to know. I'll be scrambling 'round, hunting high and then low looking for the face, love; or somewhere to go. I hardly had places that I needed to go cause you're the places that I wanted to go."

He turned away, tears in his eyes.
And collapsed on his knees to the ground, singing under his breath:

"Yeah you're the places that we wanted to go.

Yeah you're the places that we wanted to go."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Eating snow flakes with plastic forks, and a paper plate of course, you think of everything.

Standing on the broken down porch, he rocked again on the balls of his feet and back to the heel. The winter weather blew against his face, although not as fierce as last season, but she still packed a punch. That icy bitch.

Short love with a long divorce, and a couple of kids of course, they don't mean anything.

The picture on the wall, the one with the beautiful brown hair and the shining smile. One he wished he could tear up, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. No, it was too precious to him. She may have taken the children, but he could never bring himself to hate her.

Live in trailers with no class. Goddamn "I hope I can pass high school" means nothing.

As he ran his fingers through his wiry, greyed out beard, his mind wandered off to the days of the past. These lines, these marks, they weren't here before. When had that happened? When had he gotten old so quickly? He tied his hunting hat up and secured his coat.

Taking heartache with hard work, goddamn I am such a jerk. I can't do anything.

Lifting his axe to chop down some more firewood for the day, he set out into the nearby woods. Every joint ached. He couldn't do this for much longer. He couldn't make it.

And I shout that you're all fakes.

He let out an scream of both agony and torment, for the loss of his life and the loss of his body. The scream was haunting. Birds flew from every treetop, animals stopped in their tracks. A painful force had been experienced.

And you should have seen the look on your face.

He crunched his eyes up, as if to shed a tear but he couldn't. He was long since cleaned out of tears. He had to press on. Maybe today would be the day.

And I guess that's what it takes.
When comparing your bellyaches.

Staggering back to the lonely trailer he called home, he dropped the wood near the door. He took his boots off and rocked his feet back and forth from heel to ball. After enough time had passed, he retired back inside.

And it's been a long time.
Which agrees with this watch of mine.

He scanned the room for something to take his attention.
The clock.
Looking, it was almost 5:30.

5:29:50
5:29:51
5:29:52
5:29:53
5:29:54
5:29:55
5:29:56
5:29:57
5:29:58
5:29:59
5:30:00

5:30

And I know that I miss you.

He pulled out two place settings as he had every night since she had left.
He ladled soup into the bowl, some roast onto the plate.
Some beans and corn on the sides.
Some tea in the mason jar.
And he bowed his head in prayer.

Looking up, he ate alone again tonight.

And I'm sorry if I dissed you.

She didn't come back today.
So he turned the space heater to maximum.
He tidied up after work.
And for the last night, he laid his broken bony feet under the covers.

The winter wind outside ceased to blow.
The blustery snow stopped falling.
And a calm aura fell upon the tiny silver trailer in the middle of the woods.
------------------------------------------------------
This was going to be part of the series, but i can't find a place for it to fit in.

I still like the steampunk thing though.
--------------------------

------------------

Boom!

The blast rocked the tiny cabin with tremendous force. Enough force to cause him to jolt up from his horizontal position. But it was only a dream, nothing of concern. At least for now. Already upright, he grabbed his goggles from the bedside table and clumsily put them on. Walking down the hall, it was quite evident that everyone had already woken up long before he did, and they were probably already doing their jobs.

He emerged on the deck and took a breath of fresh air; this high up in the sky, nothing is more powerful than the soothing effect of depleted oxygen. Glancing around, he noticed a sudden shift in cloud movement, a sign that either the ship was changing course or a storm was brewing. Both were curious alternatives, but the more pressing matter in his mind was the fact that no one seemed to be on deck but he. Usually, this wasn't odd in the slightest, but judging by sun position, it was probably two in the after, and by now, it would surely be a-bustling with the crew.

He went back down into the bowels of the airship, checking each room with quiet abandon. The one room he saved for last was the control room; only ship captains are supposed to be allowed inside, of which he was far from being. Silently, he opened the door a crack and peered in.

Boom!

The hull shook with a violent force, equivalent of a gale storm. He sat upright in his bed; this time it was real, he was sure of it. He grabbed his goggles and his blunderbuss, and bolted out the door. Sure enough, when he approached the side of the ship, there was another airship not two-hundred yards away. The salvo began. The captain let out a furious cry as cannonball after cannonball shot out of the side hatches. The Iron Maiden retaliated with its own barrage of equally-powerful ammunition. Sprinting to the crow's nest, he took careful aim of the ever-approaching crew aboard the opposite ship. He adjusted the scope to account for wind and the ship's evasive maneuvers, and squeezed the trigger twice. The mechanisms within the gun whirred and clicked and he watched as two men opposite of him collapsed onto the deck. He ducked down and waited for his turn.

Boom!

The Iron Maiden took a large hit to the starboard side which caused the captain to have to make a quick shift to the opposite side to account for the sudden depressurization. He took aim again, and squeezed off another shot. The cannoneer on the left hit the deck in a crumpled pile. He took his chances and fired off another two shots, but they would prove to be his demise. The first one hit its mark: the cannoneer in the middle. But the next shot wasn't so lucky. It hit the wooden pole behind the target, who then turned toward the opposite crow's nest and fired off his own bullets. Inaccurate as they were, one managed to rip his left shoulder open, and without his firing arm to support him, or even allow him to get down and escape, he was trapped.

The ships made contact, and a boarding ensued. The Iron Maiden managed to break the connection with a sharp turn, and the few men that were still crossing would plummet to their deaths miles below. One crewman in particular had a bloodlust; an insatiable appetite to kill one person and one person only. He made his way up to the crow's nest to finish of the kid that nearly killed him. Pistol to his head, he clicked the hammer back as the spring made a loud popping noise.

Boom!

----------------------------------------
This is mainly for chelsea to read since she can't read it any other way in work study, and I'll also be posting it on my blog. It's incredibly choppy because I had to try to remember the good stuff before I lost it, and then I went back and added in things I remembered later. So basically, it sounds really funny, but excuse it, I'm not a professional author :D

__________________________

____________________________________________________

I awoke that morning with an aching in my head. As per normal, I hopped off the bed, down the stair-thing and down to my desk to grab some Advil.

The pain subsided, for now. I walked outside, and as I grabbed the door, the hinges flew off and behind me, the door still standing in place with my hand on it. I figured it was odd, but I didn't mind. I walked outside and as I did, I felt the wind cross my face, the sun beating upon my exposed skin.

I was aware of that throbbing pain within my head again, but I tried to ignore it.

Later, I was sitting on my roof-overhang, smoking a cigarette, when Richard came up behind me and pushed me off, jokingly. But he actually pushed me, and I started to fall three stories down. Except I didn't hit the ground. I hit nothing. I continued to float a few feet above the ground. Richard, astounded, ran outside. By then, I was back on my feet. The occurrence seemed very out of the ordinary, coupled with the fact that I had ripped the door off the hinges earlier, and apparently I had gotten some kind of super abilities.

For the next couple of days, I began to hone my abilities: I learned to fly properly, not in a superman fashion but in a floaty kind of way, I learned to control the strength aspect to decent points in time.

This part short circuits, but apparently, something intense happens, and I find that only I can save it. I go to New Orleans to stop this invading force of men, and on the way there, I find some sort of copy of myself. The copy, however, didn't possess my powers, but it still wierded me out. He saw me, and ran off, and I chased him down. I asked him what he was doing here and when he told me he had no idea, I throttled him in my anger. Right before he died, his body suddenly phased out of the world and disappeared. Strangely, without remorse or concern, I continued on my way.

When I finally got to where I needed to be, I encountered another clone. Perhaps it was the same one, but this one had a scar across his left eye and the previous one did not. I asked him where he had gotten that scar. He said he didn't know, and I then asked him if he knew where he came from. It was then that he did a double take at me and ran toward me to try to kill me. I jumped in the air and choked him out. He too disappeared right before death and again, I felt no remorse or concern. The army started to advance upon my position. Eventually, things got really heated between the army and myself, and I was doing pretty well at keeping my defenses up. At one point, they managed to get a hold of Janet and were about to fire away into her.

It was at that point that I flew through the air, in front of her, holding a large slab of metal behind which I put her for safety. By the time I had realized it, I was full of bullet holes, and i fell to my knees and died.
__________________________

I woke up on a train headed to some place I wasn't aware of. When I got off, I was in New Orleans, and I began to try to figure out why I was here. I wandered around the city; I knew where I was but I had no idea why. It wasn't amnesia, just a temporary loss of memory. I turned a corner, and walked into a large crowd. All of a sudden, one man, similar in face to me, started running at me through the crowd. But he wasn't so much running as he was floating, a rage in his eyes. I ran as fast as I could, but eventually he caught up with me and asked me why I was here. I told him I didn't even know, and he got this angrier look in his eyes as he began to choke me. As I felt Death's cold embrace, my body suddenly started to disappear and phase out. The last thing I remember was a voice saying "You have a purpose, not yet my son."
__________________________

I woke up in the middle of a street crowded with debris, unaware of why or how I'd gotten there. I knew who I was and where I was, but again, no idea why or how. There was a throbbing in my head and a pain in and around my left eye, of which I could see through, but it was enhanced: I could see heat signatures, through buildings, etc. A man came running around a building with a rage in his eyes, headed straight for me. He asked me about my eye, and I told him I had no idea, but it was certainly special. He then asked me why I was here, and I told him I didn't know. Without hesitation, he grabbed my throat and started to squeeze as hard as he could.

I heard a voice saying "The time has not yet come. Be patient." and I started to black out.
__________________________

I awoke in a laboratory with a few doctors around me, asking me if everything was alright. I told them I was fine, aside from a throbbing in my head and my hands. One of the men on the left side buried his face in his hand, as if relieved and two of the women at the foot of the table turned simultaneously to the blacked out glass window behind them. A needle was shoved into my arm, and I began to feel my heartbeat slowing.
__________________________

I awoke in the middle of a bloody puddle, my chest riddle with holes and my head throbbing more than ever. As men in black outfits with guns marched forward, I staggered up and punched my fist forward at a supersonic speed. The resulting wave obliterated the wave of men into nothing. I picked up the metal plate protecting a young woman behind it, and told her that she was safe.

2 copies of me appeared nearby, and the doctors from the laboratory were carrying a large machine.

"It's time to bring your memories together Jordan. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

We all stepped into the machine and with there was a flash of blue light and then nothing.
__________________________

I awoke in my bed, my head throbbing like it always does in the morning. So I climbed out of bed and took some Advil.

It's been one week.

2009-07-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

Back from ATL with a new attitude and a new shirt. I don't think there was a better week I could have gone.

Sunday, Joe and I drove up early and got there around 6.
Monday, sat around John's house and admired his television. I don't think I was sober at any point this trip.
Tuesday, went to a Braves game with Richard and his mom.
Wednesday, sat around Richard's house and admired his television. Went on a golf cart ride around town.
Thursday, Richard's birthday, we went to another Braves game (this time, John, Bones, Richard, Joe, and I) and then to Little 5-Points in downtown Atlanta to pick up some vinyls and other stuff.
Friday, dicked around some more at Richard's.
Saturday, drove back home and got here around 6.

There are a few things I would talk about on here but possible employers, family members, etc may be reading this and may spill the beans.

:|
:|
|:
:|

see what I did there Joe?

The Past

2009-07-13T04:17:00.000-07:00

I really like this picture. Everything about it screams "Perfect". The 70's button down plaid shirt opened just enough so my chest hair breathes. Blake, turned around just as the camera shoots. Magnifique.

Countdown: 6 days until Atlanta.

Pretty much my first serious roadtrip, since I don't really count driving around for two and a half hours a "road trip" (you know who you are). About a week with Richard, John, and Joe. And then I'll be back home long enough to re-pack and leave for Flo-rida.

Janet is really stoked about me being gone for almost two weeks. I reminded her she left for Africa and South Dakota last summer, a total of 3 weeks with a month in between. The guilt trips stopped shortly after.

But I jest. Things are going well. Hopefully I'll have that yob by the time I get to Baton Rouge again. If not...I'll be up a creek pretty badly. In other news, I found my old livejournal earlier this morning by sheer coincidence. I still remembered the password.

Such pain and sorrow inside that angsty, piece of shit website. I hate my younger self. Not in that "i hate everyone" way, but that "fuck I want to punch myself in the face for being so fucking stupid" way. Hunter, you'll be pleased to know there was a great deal of mentioning your name i that thing. Haha. Back in those days when I was a young fool.

Speaking of which, I'd like to thank you for helping me refine my definition of "love". Couldn't have done it without you friend. (P.S. that's a good thing. Don't take it as an insult...I know you women are touchy!)

Because

2009-06-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

So another great month passes by. Kicking ass and taking names has been the task of the day. I probably should have been finding a job, but since no one seems to be hiring a lowly ex-fry cook, even the same place he used to be a fry cook, that's been a low priority. Even though I need the money.

http://www.bungie.net/Stats/Halo3/Default.aspx?player=Falkelord

This is what's been taking up all my time. Hahaha.

I forgot how much fun this game was when you have skilled friends to play it with. I'm so deadly with a virtual gun. I find it ironic that I'll kill who I'm told and talk so much shit to people I don't even know, and in reality I'd never do that.

Halo, man.

In other news, Janet's birthday present is finally finished. It's going to be great. I hope.

Brand New

2009-05-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

Summer is finally here.

I have to say, control, it is quite amazing.

I'm sitting here in my bed, brand new sheets, atop my mattress pad. I feel comfortable. Even if there's nothing to do, I feel great not having the pressure of school above me.

With summer comes a new look. I shaved my sideburns to the bottom of my earlobe, i shaved and trimmed the outer edges of my beard, and took a bit off of the curl that appears by my hairline.

There's been a rash pretty days out here for about 2 weeks. And it's really nice. This is actually the first time I've opened my curtains more than once in a week. It's super duper beautiful.

Going to see star trek tonight with janet's parents.

Live long and prosper.
Song of the moment: Lateralus - Tool

Blancmage

2009-05-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've been getting back into Monty Python's Flying Circus regularly thanks to Janet letting me borrow her netflix. The most recent episode I watched involved a group of extragalactic blancmanges (a British dessert made with milk and sugar, much like flan) turning ordinary brits into Scotsmen in order to make them really bad at tennis (as hinted at by the characters in the sketch). Once they are mostly turned into Scots, the blancmages attempt to win wimbledon until a couple introduced at the beginning of the sketch as "ordinary husband and wife to whom nothing out of the ordinary ever happens, so we'll switch to this fellow" end up eating the blancmage on the spot. 15 years later, the Scotsman who played the ill-fated blancmange wins wimbledon.

Those crazy British bastards.

Other than that, not a whole lot going on. Finals are finally upon me, and I have a german test in 6 hours. Thanks to my inability to relax under pressure, I'm now awake updating my blog instead of studying or sleeping.

More to come one of these days.

Death is a disease, it's like any other. And there's a cure. A cure - and I will find it.

2009-05-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

What do you want? Leave me, leave me alone! Please, please... It's not my...

Will you deliver Spain from bondage?

I don't know... I'm trying, trying... I don't know how...

You do. You will.

You do...You will...

I'm...I'm going to die *laughs* I'm going to die!

Together, we will live forever.
Finish it.
------------------------------------

Once in a while, I come across a movie which is so profoundly moving, I can't get it out of my head. Today's special is "The Fountain", starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. The plot covers three intersecting story arcs:

The Scientist involves Tommy Creo's (Hugh) quest to cure brain cancer in rhesus monkeys. A compound from a tree in Guatamala restores cognitive function, but does not appear to shrink the tumor. As his wife, Izzy (Weisz) collapses from a stroke brought on by her own cancer (fueling Creo's desire to find a cure), she goes into cardiac arrest moments before a fellow doctor tells him that the experimental treatment destroyed the cancer completely. His attempts to revive her are unsuccessful and in the final scenes, he finishes the novel she wrote and asked him to complete and plants a seed at the base of her grave for a tree to grow.

The Conquistador involves 16th century Tomas Verde's (Hugh) quest to find the Tree of Life in Latin America at the behest of Queen Isabella (Weisz) to stop the death of Spain by a leader of the Inquisition. He is stabbed by a Mayan priest when he is forced to climb a pyramid, but is saved as the priest sacrifices himself for "The First Father" (creator of the world in Mayan histories). He kills the priest and proceeds outside. When he finds the tree thereafter, he stabs it with a ceremonial dagger and sap falls onto the ground, causing a small plant to sprout. He then foolishly applies some to a wound and drinks the sap to live forever. As he stares into the dying star Xibalba, plants begin to sprout from his insides and he becomes one with the earth.

The Astronaut involves Tom Creo's (Hugh) journey in a spherical shaped ship traveling through space to the star Xibalba (the Mayan afterlife, also a dying star which is about to collapse). If he gets there before the tree within his ship dies, it will be reborn as the star explodes. He stays alive using a compound from the tree's sap that he cooks regularly, but for every time he does this, the tree dies just a bit more. He is haunted by visions of a queen and a woman who bear a resemblance to Izzy (Weisz) and practices tai chi and meditates frequently to pass the travel time. The tree dies moments before reaching the star, so Creo sacrifices himself (at Izzy/Isabella's request to finish it/save spain from bondage respectively), inadvertently saving Tomas from being killed by a Mayan priest, and showering his life force upon the tree as it begins to bloom.

------------------------------------

It's a very confusing but rewarding movie. The soundtrack is superb and is in fact playing as I write this. I highly recommend a watching if you get the chance.

No Hard Feelings

2009-04-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Headed to a crawfish boil with some family friends I haven't seen since before my dad died.

I'm really excited. My mom is also supposed to meet this guy Shelly (wife of Jay, the family friend) wants to hook her up with. Haha.

His name is Richie. He plays guitar and he's 48-ish.

:D

My post last night was sleeping-pill inspired, so it's very introspective and depressing. I apologize for that. Watched Primer to fall asleep last night and I thought to myself how it would be if I accidentally discovered time travel with my best friend. Would the power go to our heads? Would we remain level, despite pressure? What would happen?

If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. But it might take a few watchings and some explanation when you do see it, because it's not for the layman. It's very technical and hard to follow. But in the end, it's definitely worth watching.

Today's song is "No Hard Feelings" by Bloodhound Gang.

Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore

Maybe you got screwed but i dumped you 'cause you ain't nothin' but trash. I put out despite the fact that you're like a Hawaiian-Punch mustache; right under my nose, thinking I'm so colonel klink oblivious. But how could I not see (right) you got off scott-free 'cause i know this means it?

Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore

If I want to be repeatedly shit on I'll go make dutch porn. When roughly translated even your naked truth means squat and what's more, I'm missing you like a hijacked flight on September 11th. I don't know who got on you but I'm not wrong in thanking them since it..

Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To fuck you on your birthday anymore

MAYBE IT AIN'T YOUR BIRTHDAY BUT THEN AGAIN YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WHAT I SHOULDA GOT IS OVER YOU SOONER SO NOW I'M JUST GONNA WRAP IT UP.

MAYBE IT AIN'T YOUR BIRTHDAY BUT THEN AGAIN YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WHAT I SHOULDA GOT IS OVER YOU SOONER SO NOW I'M JUST GONNA WRAP IT UP.

It ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up.
To fuck you on your birthday.
I'm just gonna wrap it up.
It ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up
To fuck you on your birthday.

We once felt the wind upon our backs

2009-04-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

Janet still has feelings for me. Her plans for her life had been made before she met me. She hadn't factored me in. And it was hard for her to do that with the distance. She couldn't handle it. It was easier to just push me away.

But she still wants to be with me. She wants to ride this out with me.

And I essentially turned down Carlyn. I gave up a fresh start for the girl I can't ever stop thinking about. The girl I'm pretty sure is everything I could ever ask for. I'm normally so coherent, so witty. And her presence makes me unable to make a complete sentence. According to her, "you don't need to impress me. you did that a long time ago. and i like it when you're awkward. it's cute."

Driving with her to anywhere at all, laying in a bed with her, watching movies with her. No matter what, it just feels right. I haven't found that with anyone, past or present.

I would compare this to Jim and Pam. Jim likes Pam. Pam is engaged to Roy, and is unaware of Jim's feelings. When he makes his feelings known, she pushes him away. Jim doesn't give up. And eventually, he ends up with Pam. And they get engaged. And audiences turn in to watch the big episode where it finally happens.

So here's how it plays out. Jordan likes Janet. Janet is engaged to school, and is unaware of Jordan's feelings. When he makes his feelings known, she pushes him away. Jordan doesn't give up. And eventually, well...I don't know yet. I guess we'll have to find out.

Turn the Page

2009-04-13T00:01:00.001-07:00

A lot has happened over spring break, and I've been way too busy to update. It's a fairly safe bet to say Carlyn likes me. And I like her. I'm so scared of doing anything relationship wise though.

I know I can't handle a long distance relationship. Lafayette isn't THAT far away, but it's still not close. That's a weekend together, at best, because we'll both be busy: her first year is going to be jam-packed with band and I'm going to be studying my ass off for grad school acceptance next year. College just isn't a good time.

Maybe one day things will be better, but the best I can hope for is a friendship that remains despite distance.

As for Janet, things seem to be rocky with her. As always, I can never really tell what's up with her. She talks to me seductively, she won't speak to me. She's utterly confusing. I'm wishing things would work out with Carlyn so that I don't have to bother with all that shit. She's so frustrating. It's incredibly hard to have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate. Especially when they know how to work you.

EDIT POST: Apparently, things are not as they seem.

It's funny how one comment can change a perspective.

Tonight's song: Turn the Page by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.

On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha.
You can listen to the engine moaning out its one lone song
You can think about woman, or the girl you knew the night before,
But your thoughts will soon be wandering, the way they always do.
When your riding sixteen hours and there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like riding, you just wish the trip was through.
Say, here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Well you walk into a restaurant, strung out from the road,
You can feel the eyes upon you as your shaking off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you, but you just want to explode.
Most times you cant hear em talk, other times you can.
Oh the same old cliche, as that woman on her a man
You always see my number, you don't dare make a stand.
Here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Out there in the spotlight your a million miles away,
Every ounce of energy, you try and give away,
As the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play.
Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed,
With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head,
You smoke the days last cigarette, remembering what she said.
Now here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page.
Here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Ah here I go, playing star again.
There I go, there I go.

Whatever you like.

2009-04-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Nothing incredibly new here.

Went to prom saturday, and had a really good time with Carlyn. I'm fairly certain she likes me; mom can't be wrong (she never is). But then there's Janet coming to LSU and Carlyn going to ULL in 4 months that makes me hesitant to do anything. And then...

Janet expressed her worry last night over me replacing her with Carlyn. It was the weakest I'd ever seen her. She looked like she'd have been so upset if I had told her I was replacing her. The truth is, I'm not going to. I think I'm going to keep her around. I still like her. And now she's going to be even closer to me at college. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. But I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I'm not going to replace you. Not for a long time."

And I meant it.
So if you're reading this, you should know I mean it even more.

You know how I feel about you. You know I can't replace you. Know that.

Change in The House of Flies.

2009-03-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

Spotted at a local Best-buy today.

Under Construction

2009-03-29T01:26:00.000-07:00

I found myself with a lot of free time in which I should have been doing homework. Instead, I decided to start working on a project. For Janet's birthday, I am constructing a replica of this set, by absinthetic and so far, I have a completely finished 8 of diamonds sitting on my desk right now. Here's just a look at the flikr set he posted:

Obviously a lot of talent and a lot of time was put into this. I figured Janet would appreciate this, although I'm pretty sure she's a poor choice to give this to because...well she's not my girlfriend. She is pretty much a burden on my thoughts and she's often uncaring. But she's the person most apt to appreciate it.

I'd rather save it for someone who I can give it to and it mean something, sort of like "here you go, I spent all my time doing this for you," and with Janet, that can't entirely be the case, no matter how deep my feelings run for her.

Oh well.

I'll finish working on it later.

Early in an apartment part II

2009-03-28T02:39:00.000-07:00

I thought I knew what I wanted in life.

I thought I was confident. I thought I didn't have to worry anymore about anything. I'd hit rock bottom more than once, and I survived. Nothing could stop me.

How wrong I am.

Early in an apartment

2009-03-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

Today's special: Bruce Lee using a pair of nunchaku to play a game of ping pong.

http://www.wimp.com/funnypong/

moving on, I'm kind of starting to enjoy myself recently. I hung out with betty last night and today, and she's really nice to talk to. really easy to be on par with.

I came across a quote by Bob Marley today. It went a little something like this:

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

And as much as I hate applying situations to myself (as my sociology teacher says, "I fucking hate it when someone says 'oh, what a small world.' That's total bullshit; the chances of meeting someone you used to know or someone you know knowing someone totally unrelated are inflated to astronomically high levels because humans tend to see patterns and connections more often when they occur than when they don't"), I couldn't help but think that's exactly what I need to do.

I need to not hurt her, i need to not change her, i need to not analyze and expect more than she can give. I need to tell her when she makes me happy, when she makes me mad, and that I miss her when she's not there.

I'm such a sucker for dorky girls with glasses and braided pigtails. :)

Days Go By

2009-03-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

It's already Thursday. Wow.

The weeks seem to be flying by.

So Janet and I have decided to forgo talking to each other until spring break. Mainly because "we're supposed to have separate lives" and "we're together when we're in mandeville and not together when we're apart". It sort of seems like bullshit to me.

But I'm in love with her. Not that silly "Oh I can't live without you blah blah blah" shit. I mean serious, "I'm pretty sure this is what love is" love. Every thought I have is about her; they consume me. Every moment of every day is spent hoping she's doing alright, that I don't have to come to her rescue because she's a big girl and can handle herself. And yet somehow, as unhealthy as that is, I don't want to stop that because...I feel like I'd be losing a part of myself. Not talking to her is the hardest thing I've had to do because I HAVE TO CONSCIOUSLY STOP MYSELF FROM SAYING "I thought you'd enjoy this" or "I miss you". I have to force myself to stop.

I can't even look at any other girl without comparing her to Janet. Say what she may about being ugly, I think she's beautiful. Her skin is this alabaster white that is so attractive. The bowl her ribcage forms right below her breasts. The cute way she giggles whenever she hears a joke. The way she sleeps so soundly at night when we're together, like she has nothing to worry about. The way she wears my shirts and underwear around...every one of these makes me smile.

I'm pretty sure I should be over her now. It's been almost five months since we broke up. I still see Katie from time to time and I talk to Hunter even more often than her. And yet, I still think of Janet more than ever. Maybe it's because I want something I can't have. Maybe I yearn for some time, when we were all innocent and didn't have a care. Before college. Before life shook us and told us to wake up.

I remember before we started going out, we rode home from graduation practice in my beat up toyota all the way from hammond. And I remember how happy we were. Just sitting there in silence. That's what made me want to be together with her. The wat she was so taken with me when we first met. I guess I wasn't used to it, so I was incredibly awkward (even more so than usual). And then there was her brain. Oh how I admired that cranium, that thought center, from which she found the words to speak. The way I could talk to her about anything without saying a word at all. And have her honest opinion back on it. She's incredibly intelligent. I guess I got lucky, finding the intelligent girls. They're really hard to find. The ones that are smart and funny? Even rarer. I guess I got pretty good odds.

But my luck has probably run out. 3 girls seems like the limit. Janet, you broke me.

I hope one day she reads this. I hope she reads this and knows what I truly have wanted to say to her for months now. What I'm too afraid to say to her face because I'm scared she won't understand or feel the same. All my bumbling attempts to tell her how I feel always end up with me feeling satisfied for twenty minutes after I tell her and then incredibly withdrawn for a time afterward. And she says nothing to me, all the while, which makes it that much harder for me to know what to say or how to act.

Any input would be gladly appreciated. I just need some words of encouragement, kindness, or truth. Anything to help me feel better, I suppose. Any help at all.

I'm going to go hang out with Betty tonight, just for old time's sake. It's times like these that I want to just get a pack of cigarettes, pack my bags, and drive for somewhere. Anywhere. Just away. Away so I don't have to think about Janet. Or school. Or grades. Or money.

I want you to know how I feel Janet. I want you to know that inside of me is this desire to be with you, do everything for you. It won't go away. I've tried everything and it won't go away. I'm in love with you. I'm scared to say it, because the thought of the word in the past conjures up images I don't feel comfortable regaling. But I think that if I had to define it, this is what it would be: An uncontrollable desire for one person that can't be mitigated by day-to-day dealings of life. Thoughts that are consumed by the image of that one person, in less of a stalker fashion.

So yeah. I'm in love with you.

I have no son.

2009-03-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

That was for Hunter. :)
Now you know the whole story behind the comic.

In other news, we had a good time watching Role Models last night, and there's not really that much to say. I'm in chemistry as I update this because I have nothing better to do on a Wednesday.

Is it Wednesday already? Fffffffuuuuu.
Wow.

Less than 2 weeks until prom.

You Are Now Breathing Manually.

2009-03-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

So, an interesting weekend. I decided just to go with it. It turned out pretty well. We ended up making tilapia and rice krispies, which I'm really glad we made :D

It was a comfortable date, and even though she's my ex-girlfriend, it was halfway decent. Especially considering the past few weeks have been...unkind. I'm hoping I can get a chance to talk to her about something tonight. She's supposed to hang out with Angie tonight, and then go home. Her parents aren't home, or at least they aren't supposed to come home until tomorrow. But I really do hope I can talk to her. It's really important that I at least discuss this with her.

I've been only trying to discuss things with her for the past few weeks. And now it seems that my chance may be running out...

My penis is turning into pastrami thanks to this laptop.

So I'll hopefully be able to cure myself of this wretched feeling of insecurity.

:/

Here's something to hopefully cheer you guys up. And me.

The Human Body is 90% Water

2009-03-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

For the life of me
I cannot remember what made us think we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen

So basically, I'm having a crisis in which I'm deciding whether or not to enjoy my weekend or to do something incredibly dramatic. But seeing as it's possible that the person at whom the action would be directed may or may not read this, I can't give explicit details.

Moving on, I was recently informed that a friend of mine from high school just got married. In addition to moving to the Carolinas, she was proposed to by her boyfriend while he was stationed in Texas for military training, and then they got married, then moved to Italy where he is now stationed. And she wants to hang out in three years when they're state-side again.

Yaaayyyyyy

Return

2009-03-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

After an exodus and lots of self-reformation, I've decided to come back and start bitching about things again.

A few things since I've been gone:

1) I stopped smoking cigarettes. Again.
2) I started watching old movies I hadn't watched in a while. (more on this later)
3) I started working harder in school.

All in all, I'd say it's a good change.

So recently, I started watching old movies again. By old, I don't mean particularly 70's 80's and 90's movies, although those are part of it, but movies I haven't' seen in a long time.

AMC was running a good marathon this weekend. First Blood and Rambo: First Blood Part II back to back and The Shining were among the set. Then I watched The Island and O Brother Where Art Thou.

And now I'm waiting for chemistry to end so I can go back to my room and watch The Warriors.

My bike was also stolen this weekend. I got in a scuffle with Janet for no reason. I'm having problems with certain people. I'm trying to forget about this past weekend and focus on the 20th-22nd and how I'll enjoy myself then. I'm looking forward to a weekend with Janet at her house with no parents. And helping Blake move in to his apartment. And cooking dinner.

DNA: GCT|GTA|ACC|GAT...
mRN: CGA|CAU|UGG|CUA...
tRNA: GCU|GUA|ACC|GAU...
Peptide: Arginine Histidine Tryptophan Leucine.
or Arg His Trp Leu

This is me studying chemistry.

Man Machine

2009-02-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

As of last night, I renewed my interest in Kraftwerk.

Quite possibly the best 1970's-80's techno band ever to come into existence. Spurred by a comment by JC involving Coldplay's 2005 Talk stealing a riff from Kraftwerk's 1981 Computer Love, we both went out to download the discography as fast as possible.

After it finished today, I had a fun time re-naming all the 01-xxxxxx Track names.

Joy.

But it was worth it. I have 2005's Minimum Maximum 2-disc special at my house, and I'm sad I didn't bring it. But this will do just fine.

In other news, stuff happened today and I got angry. Moving on.

I'm supposed to look at apartments with Richard tomorrow morning, so tonight will be cut short.

Going Away to College

2009-02-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light

Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
"I'll write you once a week", she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off

Don't depend on me
To ever follow through on
Anything, but
I'd go through Hell for you and

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me

I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class and
She put up with my friends
I acted like an ass

I'd ditch my lecture
To watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture
Still hanging in her locker?

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared, so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful
---------------------

Current Album: Enema of the State - Blink-182

Speaking of which, they're coming back. That's the sort of thing I enjoy. They were totally in the right to come back: Angels and Airwaves was failing, Travis got in a bad plane crash, it was just the perfect time to come back.

So now that one of my favorite bands is back on the scene, I'll have to score some tickets to a concert.

In other news, life is going well. I'm doing great in all my classes since I decided to buckle down and do my work to get my TOPS back. Also, since I changed a bunch of stuff about myself, it's been a pretty good past couple of days.

I decided I'm not going to care about the stupid things anymore.

I have a valentine's date, despite the fact that:
a) she's my ex-girlfriend
b) she's my ex-girlfriend
and c) she's my ex-girlfriend.

surprised?
I'm not.

2009-02-07T02:58:00.001-08:00

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Where the Wild Things Went.

2009-02-04T22:58:00.000-08:00

http://where-the-wild-things-went.blogspot.com/

Part 2.

2009-02-03T00:48:00.001-08:00

From a newspaper column written by Mary Schmich, a columnist for The
Chicago Tribune, who said she wrote it "while high on coffee and M&Ms"
on May 31, 1997.


Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But
trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall
in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how
fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed
your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle
Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people
who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with
yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in
doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to
do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know
still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when
they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe
you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices
are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of
what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle,
because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you
when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in
Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will
philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize
that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one
might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look
85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply
it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the
past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and
recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.>>

Vanished

2009-02-03T00:09:00.000-08:00

In the dark, we come out and play
We are it's children, and we're here to stay
Running through, hungry for strays
No invitation, take me away
I'm not cruel, but that's still what you see
Club to club, come see this city with me
Hungry for life, without your pity
I don't want it, but you give it.

Still can't say she wont start up
Still can't say she wont start up a fight
You go city
Cause in the city of life she can't she can't wait

In the darkness, a killer awaits
To kill a life, and the lies you make
You do another, so this death can live
Just keep on dancing, to the movie your in
The smell of your sweat, just lures me in
Your heartbeat, does sing to me
Running feet, beats my blood
My ghost inside you, soon will be

Still can't say she wont start up
Still can't say she wont start up a fight
You go city
Cause in the city of life she can't she can't wait

Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity
Hungry for strays, hungry for life, no invitate your pity

I don't want sex but you give it

Still can't say she wont start up
Still can't say she wont start up a fight
You go city
Cause in the city of life she can't she can't wait
Cause in the city of life she can't she can't wait

Now it's over, you've taken your life
The dark grows thin, and I'm left to hide
I don't regret it, but it's sad anyway
Now were both dead, and scared of the black
This life of games, and diligent trust
It's the things we do, or the things we must
I'm now tired of being cussed
So go sleep forever end to dust.
--------------------------------------------

I want to watch a sunrise with you.
And lay in the mid-morning light listening to the sounds of the sunrise around us.
I want to do things to your body.
And lay in a bed with you, listening to the sounds of your quiet breaths.

Today marks the beginning of a new Jordan.
I stopped smoking.
I stopped worrying.
Today is the day I decide to be for myself.

song of the morning: Vanished - Crystal Castles.

Three

2009-02-02T02:02:00.000-08:00

This lovely bit comprises all of Chapter 10. Enjoy.

The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances in a mere nothingth of a second, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.

It was discovered by a lucky chance, and then developed into a governable form of propulsion by the Galactic Government's research team on Damogran.

This, briefly, is the story of its discovery.

The principle of generating small amounts of finite improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood — and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indeterminacy.

Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this — partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.

Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate the infinite improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralysing distances between the furthest stars, and in the end they grumpily announced that such a machine was virtually impossible.

Then, one day, a student who had been left to sweep up the lab after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning this way:

If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual impossibility, then it must logically be a finite improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn it on!

He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long sought after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air.

It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartass.

I guess

2009-02-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

I guess I'm glad to be your friend.

Even though it still feels like we're together.
Everything we do, it's pretty much the same.
We rarely talk, just like we used to.
We still listen to sappy music like we used to.

We even celebrated Valentine's Day this year, together.

Sometimes I wonder how you really feel about all this.
Because nine times out of ten, I'm burning on the inside,
wishing I could tell you how much I still care about you.
And yet you can never know.

So you'll never know.
You'll find some other nice guy maybe.
He'll treat you right, laugh at your jokes.
You'll forget about me, probably.
I still find it hard to forget you.
The way you fit perfectly into my chest.
The way you look right before you wake up in the mornings.
The way you look so beautiful; your skin so soft and bright

I hate to wake up in the mornings and realize you're not sleeping soundly next to me.
It just feels out of place, when you're not there.

I hope you get your internship, I hope you study abroad, I hope you can get from life what you've always wanted. I'd feel worse with you waking up next to me every morning and being unhappy.

As much as I'll hate to see you on the rarest of occasions, I hope everything works out for you.

Because I care about you.

Quoth two

2009-01-31T15:14:00.000-08:00

"The Babel fish," said The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy quietly "is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish."

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

"The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But" says Man "The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED." (editor's note, by Jordan: for those who do not know, QED means "Quod erat demonstrandum", usually pointing the end of an argument.)

"Oh dear" says God "I hadn't thought of that" and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

"Oh, that was easy." says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book Well That About Wraps It Up For God. Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloddier wars than anything else in the history of creation.

link of the day:

http://www.therobotspajamas.com/?p=113

an explanation of why Dungeons and Dragons is evil. Quite possibly the best propaganda and one of the main reasons I'm happy to not be religious.

Back to watching The Office, with Janet :D

Quote of the day.

2009-01-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

Probably the greatest picture ever invented.

Now, on with the show.

I think I'm going to make this a regular thing, at least for now because I found The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in an online print form. For one of my first installments, one of my favorite quotes from chapter 5:

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and repeating the obvious, as in "It's a nice day", or "You're very tall", or "Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright?" At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.

I don't get it.

2009-01-06T22:39:00.001-08:00

I'm supposed to be over you.

I've even hung out with someone who makes me happy.
I've gotten new clothes.
I've all but forgotten about you.

And it seems that was all a loss.

I feel a bit like Jim. He loves Pam, and she's engaged. He can't have her. He will eventually. But for now, he can't. No way, no chance.

I watched you drive off today. In your little yellow car. The little bumble bee. I thought about all the things we'd done, all we'd known. I thought about the times I'd hated you, resented you, been upset with you. I thought about the last thing you said to me. "Take care of yourself too."

I probably won't see you for a long time.

But I really hope not.

First post of the new year

2009-01-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

So I had quite the bitchin birthday yesterday. Dinner at Longhorn's, followed by a screwdriver at my mother's behest, and then Betty, Randy, Chelsea, and eventually Rachel came over to ring in the new year by lighting bundles of 20 sparklers together to create a fireball brighter than the sun. Topped off with a showing of "The Dark Knight" in scenic Jordan's Living Room, and the evening was a blast.

So now, with the new year comes a chance to redeem oneself. With the recent GPA of 2.0 for this past semester in college, a daunting 2.9 looms over my head to keep up my TOPS. But considering I now know how everything works and how the game is played, I think I'll do much better. Plus, I have two classes with people I'm great friends with, and another with a lot of people from 1101 German. Quite the semester to look forward to.

Tonight's task: Hot Sauce.

Ingredients:
1 cup of chopped carrots
1 cup of diced onions
1/2 cup of habaneros
1/4 cup of sun dried tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste
5 cloves of fresh garlic
1 cup of red-wine
1 tsp of salt
1 tsp of cumin

Other:
Glass Jar or bottle to contain sauce
Blender

Instructions:
Combine chopped carrots, onions, habaneros, tomatoes and red-wine in blender. Blend until smooth. Crush garlic and add salt and cumin. Blend again until desired constancy is reached. Add enough red-wine to reach the thickness desired. Place the mixture in jars in your fridge for a week to let the flavor mature.

Song: Kill the Idealist - Kalmah

Thought I'd add this

2008-12-15T23:14:00.000-08:00

This just might be the most delicious thing ever invented. I have yet to try it, but I think I will in the near future when I get enough bacon.

I want to play a game.

2008-12-15T22:23:00.001-08:00

Figure out the movies in the correct order. Bonus cool points if you can throw in your own for me to figure out.

The force is bacteria in the bloodstream.
The planet is actually Earth.
Kint is actually Keyser Soze.
Vampires are sparkly in daylight.
Snape kills Dumbledore for safety reasons.
The fifth element is love.
He was Tyler all along.
Neo is the One.
The mysterious old couple with a talking Meowth is really Team Rocket.
Alucard is Dracula backwards.
He was dead the whole time.
Rosebud was the sled.

Number One

2008-12-13T21:27:00.000-08:00

Hello.

And welcome to my amazing sing-a-long blog!

Basically, this was started as a way for me to bitch and whine about things outside of facebook, and also because Hunter likes to stalk me, or as she says "I showed you mine now show me yours" (he said, knowingly).

I started playing World of Warcraft again over thanksgiving break. Richard, JC, and I started playing, and it has since spread like a disease (and I use that term heavily). Now, Sherman and John are in on it, and our faggy roommate Cameron is even playing some free MMO that no one outside of Korea has heard of. I'm glad he's moving out next semester.

Moving on, my 18th birthday is fast approaching. I have hence come up with a tentative list of possible 18th-birthday activities in which to partake (in no specific order):

1. Buy a pack of clove cigarettes from the Ra shop.
2. Get a tattoo of a biohazard symbol on my right wrist.
3. Buy a cigar and smoke it (and not a crappy one, but a legit cigar)
4. Buy porn

although the porn thing is more of a dare and not so much for personal gratification.

In other news, I was looking through my closet for things to wear today and I came across a shirt I haven't been able to fit into since last year:

that's right. It's a jolly roger. I love it. I think I'm going to wear this shirt forever.

THE END.
check back tomorrow. i'm going to make this a regular thing.

Dr. Jordan's Amazing Sing-A-Long Blog

Games

I'm Back Baby

-

Red Baron

You should probably sit down before you read this.

World Cup 2010

Baptism in blood

kein Betreff

Call the chef tonight, having sinners for dinner. Ain't no wireless in the hood so I ain't talkin bout twitter.

Yeah, what up Detroit?

lol

Hah.

Hi there, how do you do? My name is You.

Walkey, walk tall.

Einstein

Amour

Finished

It's Like A Postcard: "Dear Sarge, We're Kicking Ass in Outer Space, Wish You Were Here."

No batteries, No cables

Hey bro

Yeah, you're fantastic.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow and I hope it bleeds all day long

Society

New Direction

Spent 18 hours stoned for space

You

Kein Betreff

Kein Betreff

It's been one week.

The Past

Because

Brand New

Blancmage

Death is a disease, it's like any other. And there's a cure. A cure - and I will find it.

No Hard Feelings

We once felt the wind upon our backs

Turn the Page

Whatever you like.

Change in The House of Flies.

Under Construction

Early in an apartment part II

Early in an apartment

Days Go By

I have no son.

You Are Now Breathing Manually.

The Human Body is 90% Water

Return

Man Machine

Going Away to College

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach

The Top 100 Things I'd DoIf I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Where the Wild Things Went.

Part 2.

Vanished

Three

I guess

Quoth two

Quote of the day.

I don't get it.

First post of the new year

Thought I'd add this

I want to play a game.

Number One

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord